We Are Not Okay: Alarming Signs That You Are Overextended & Questions to Ask Yourself If You Don’t Know What is Going On

You’re feeling like you’re at the bottom of the barrel because you are. You’re overextended; things will keep going downhill from here if you don’t recognize the signs and take action.

Photo by Redd, from Unsplash

I’m snapping more. I snap when overwhelmed, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been having bigger than necessary outbursts to small/ insignificant things I’d normally brush off or not even notice the past few days.

My mind, instead, memory seems to be failing me at a high rate, yet I consider myself one of the few?¿ People with a perfect memory. So, having zero recollection of where I left my phone or if I bought something is alarming. So, I’m taking things slower and taking a break.

Having found help at home with mum, the work I have postponed for way too long calls for my attention, while my body (mind, body, soul, Spirit) all screams for attention or maybe just one day alone to recuperate. I’m honoring this not-so-subtle call and choosing self-care for a few days. Balancing caring for a sick parent, work, child, siblings, work, households, etc., is all taking a huge toll on me, and if I don’t do something about it, imma crash!! I don’t want to. But I’m sharing this here to be accountable to myself and share my lessons on what happens when you overextend yourself.

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. -Franklin D. Roosevelt

1. Outbursts of anger

I’m a calm person overall. I take my time to process things, and I will always choose the least violent way out. So, no raising voices, walking away and talking things out when everyone is calm. But that hasn’t been happening. Now, I don’t know for how long that had been going on, but it hit a raw nerve when I snapped at my son. This was the first time my alarms went off, and I’m glad that happened because I may never have caught a whiff of everything else that was going on and signaled trouble.

2. Failing memory

As I mentioned above, my first noticeable sign of burnout and overextension was my failing memory. Thinking I ate, picking things and completely forgetting where I set it down 1 or 2 hours later when it was needed, or forgetting to pay someone — these are the things that set off my alarms instantly, and I knew that something had to give. Stress affects your memory significantly and you need to work on it sooner rather than later.

3. Poor Appetite

My cousin and friend always remind me to eat. I seem to put off eating to the back burner when a lot is going on, even when I’m standing in front of the burner most days and nights. But I didn’t think I was doing much harm because I didn’t really see it. Now, in hindsight, my memory was a sign all along. And of course, the fact that my clothes now fit quite loose.

You need a healthy diet to boost immune function and repair damaged cells. The extra energy will make it easier for you to cope in stressful events. Remember that half a bagel and 3 cups of coffee doesn’t qualify as 2 or 3 meals to keep you fueled all day long.

4. Headaches & Muscle Pain

They often signal dehydration or stress. And I had moments, but I drank water most days thanks to the heat.

5. Extremely anxious

All the above were obviously worsened because I have been very anxious the past weeks/ months.

Of course, this often comes served up as a buffet with racing thoughts, overthinking, negative self-talk, etc. In short, my mind hasn’t and is still not the best place to live in. I’ve resigned and am now ready for therapy.

6. Crying

I’ve talked about this in the past. Crying is a good way of loosening the tight screws and self-soothe, but when you’re always breaking down or the tears can’t seem to stop flowing, this could signal bigger problems.

7. Detachment & Dissociation

Well, it feels like it. Most of the time, I feel that everything happening may not be happening to me in real life: that I may be living an alternate reality. I have moments where it feels like I’m on the outside watching a series of events unfold.

I don’t know why I felt the need to share these moments. I feel exposed, and I don’t like the feeling. But if I think about it, most of us are always aware of the many things that happen to us and signal trouble ahead.

I don’t have answers, and I am not an expert. But I hope my experiences help you become more in tune with yourself… read self-awareness. You may recognize some of the small and insignificant things happening in your life that may point you to stop, pause, breathe, and to recenter.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -Nelson Mandela

And so, to guide you better, here are questions you may want to ask yourself if you feel like you’re too exhausted and maybe overextended.

1. Am I being too short with the people around me? Am I quick to anger? Could I have said that in a lower tone?
2. Have I eaten today? When did I last drink water? When was the last time I sat down and had/ enjoyed a meal, even if I didn’t clear the plate?
3. Am I getting headaches too frequently?
4. Am I forgetting things that I usually wouldn’t?
5. Is my mental health deteriorating? Am I too exhausted, unable to hold space for anything more?
6. And lastly, am I crying too much too often?

We could add more questions to these, and I’m not saying that these happen to everyone. I believe that it is the case for most of us, and there are many other signs.

I’ll share tips on avoiding getting overextended or, instead, how to protect yourself from getting overextended or burnt out in a follow-up article, but this is the big step — recognizing the problem. I promise you that just doing this and being in this space changes your perspective, and you start making healthier choices.

PS: The situation will not change overnight, and it might recur. Give it time. I am trying my best; I know you are too. And we can do this!