7 Tips For Pushing Through When It All Comes Crashing Down
Maybe it gets better, but until it does, we can navigate the tough days and maintain sanity, together. Sharing 7 helpful tips here!
The past few weeks have been… hectic. I have been challenged beyond my imagination. I have questioned everything in these past days, including my faith and the higher power. I’ve broken down, albeit behind closed doors, and in these moments I’ve still found the strength to get back up, show up, smile, and act like I could never let the floodgates loose. But I’m doing it a lot more lately…. It helps. There’s also a fickle flame reminding me not to give up.
Things were different yesterday. It felt like the walls all crumbled at once and my ‘strong’ walls buckled under the pressure.
Here’s the thing, mom has been unwell and pretty much bedridden the past few weeks, and taking care of her with the unpredictability of her condition takes a toll. In between planning everything and taking care of the home, I have had to throw in work. And so, despite this being the Easter Weekend, I had a work deadline. I’d also been expecting help to come in today and last evening while planning everything to get her here on time, a piece of information given last minute (previously overlooked)meant that she’s no longer a viable candidate for the job. In an instant, my hopes for some relief in the house (and more time for work) were crashed. I crumbled with them. The light at the end of the tunnel suddenly turned off and I was spinning in pitch darkness. I still had to be strong, brave, optimistic, and smile. But I just couldn’t.
I thought of napping, maybe I should have. But the idea of a nap when you’re bone-tired is a risk you cannot take with a looming deadline . At the end of the night, despite the day’s many curveballs, I completed the work and got to bed happy.
I’ve been reflective since...
And the morning, I realized that I made through, but also, that I couldn’t be the only one going through such moments. And not just that, navigating the situation and many other challenging ones in the past have taught me some very important lessons. These are insights that helped me get through the tough days and nights, and I believe could help you too (and I) in future. It’s been a volatile situation, and I’ll be thrown in these deep waters again. Maybe soon. But maybe now, I’ll handle things differently.
Here are some of the ways of wading through the murk.
- Get some space
Find a room and lock yourself in. You need you in such moments. The house won’t burn down, and no one will starve. The worst that could happen is: they will think you don’t want to be bothered — no harm in that. Don’t worry. You need that space to breathe, think, re-center, or to do absolutely nothing even for a moment.
Side note: I’ve lived alone for a long time. I love solitude. I know that the best way for me to deal is by retreating. To avoid an outburst in front of everyone else, I took a step away, locked myself in my room, and allowed myself to feel it all. When I’m having a hard time, I find it easier to deal when I pull away. That’s what I did and it was the first step necessary for me to go through the motions and recalibrate.
2. Open the floodgates
Letting the painful tears flow certainly made me feel better. Not instantly amazing, but good enough. There several reasons for this, and on top of that list is the fact that crying is the best way to self-soothe.
According to research, the benefits of crying have been documented for as far back as the ancient Roman and Greek times. The Japanese are also strong believers in the health benefits of crying, with some cities having ‘crying clubs’ or rui-katsu (translation: tear seeking), where they hold sobfests — unbelievable, huh?! Modern psychological thoughts and research now back up these beliefs. The research emphasize that crying is a great way of releasing emotional pain and stress… Exactly what it did for me last night. The emotional tears have been proven to contain high levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, compared to the basal levels of the stress hormones in the reflex tears, for example. So, when you cry you release the stress hormones, and you feel better because of the activation of your body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which leads to the restoration of balance.
I like to think of crying as a form of safety valve. You must loosen it after some time to let out the built-up pressure.
The rewards?
Oxytocin and endorphins (endogenous opioids), also called feel-good hormones which ease emotional and physical pain.
3. Ask for help
In between everything going on, there was dinner to be made and I was on kitchen duty that night. However, I couldn’t have been at a position to do it all. So, I let down my pride, and asked for help. That allowed me to get started on the pending work.
4. Music
Six degrees of separation… Between the pit of despair and hope was The Script’s Six Degrees of Separation… Read music.
I didn’t have a go-to playlist, but a recommend playlist I’d started listening to gave me the motivation and energy to get through the to-do lists. Vibing to Silk Sonic’s, Bruno Mars & Anderson Park’s Smokin Out The Window feels incredible, especially with the right set of headphones. Everything else feels better with the right music, especially work.
5. Working even when you don’t feel like it
I didn’t have it in me to get the work done when I was mulling over all that pending work. I could have easily begged for an extension of the deadline but I didn’t have the energy to, and deep down I knew how good it would feel once I hit send. Working hard, even after I’d underestimated how much work I had wasn’t easy, but I got it done. And it felt good!
We all need self-motivation — all successful individuals live by this rule. In all you do, you must remember to always push forward. Having a reward at the end is just as important; and in my case, — a good night’s sleep.
6. Talk to someone close to you
You don’t have to be a big talker, but It works. Best part? You can talk about everything else other than how your feeling. Heck, you could be exchanging and laughing at memes the whole time. At the end of the day, laughter is a balm for a tired and weary soul.
7. Keep going!
Yesterday was just one more hard day. Others will come. There’s more work today, but getting over those hurdles have made today easier.
Bottom line
I don’t have my life figured out, life is challenging, but we keep learning, unlearning, and re-learning!
